My Best Friend Can Make You Spew Coke Through Your Nose

...without even trying to do it.

Some of you are like "Ewwww. Gross." You should probably stop reading right now. Those of you nodding because this has happened to you totally understand what I am talking about. And you few. Yes, you there with the eybrows all akimbo...I know what you are thinking. "At least it wasn't Dr. Pepper. That junk buuuuurrrrnnnnnns!"

So. After lunch we were sitting in her room and she gives me this coke (because I am feeling only about 42% well today). I notice it has a delicate mist over it and begin to sing to the can (because that's how we roll) to the the tune of "Hey Soul Sister" ... and, no. Don't ask. I won't sing it here for you right now. We sing impromptu songs all the time and if you miss the moment, you miss it. Maybe I will sing for you a song someday, but not now. Back to the nose-coke-spewing. The can top hadn't been popped yet, so I am pretty sure that she wouldn't have meade me spew this can. Probably.

So here is the scene... we just finished our musical number for the coke can (I think he liked it) and in my random almost ADD fashion I glance at the bookshelf behind her desk. Conversation as follows... read fast because the following conversation happened in about 45 seconds. I will play the role of me and my Biff will be known as Panda.... because I said so.

Me: Gasp! You have a book about pie! (I notice these things because I like food)

Panda: Meh, it was a freebie. I haven't read it yet.

Me: *BUT IT IS ABOUT PIE* (Eyes wide, folks. We are talking about dessert here!)

Panda: Yes. It is about pie. (Unenthused. *What* is her problem!?!?! It's PIE!)

Me: (Eyeing the book) Well, I like pie. (Could I steal this book unnoticed?)

Panda: (A smile forming... oh! I know this smile. I love this smile.) You see what kind of pie?

Me: NO. Who cares? It's PIE! I like pie.

Panda: (Grinning... uh oh. This is dangerous) BUT.... do you like pussy pie?

Me: Huh? (Confused! I hate cats and vaginas. Gross.)

Panda: Mmmmm hmmmm.... Look at the cover.

Me: HOLY CROW! (Grabbing the book.... YES! It is all there.... )

Panda: (Laughing because she knows the word pussy makes me uncomfortable)

Me: (Looking at the cover. Gasp!!!) You are laughing, but do you know what kind of pussy pie it is?

Panda: Um, no. (Bet she was distracted by the cat and thinking of naughty words.)

Me: CHERRY pussy pie.

.... and then we both burst into laughter. Thank Cheezus that can of coke was not open. That would have been a wet book.