And This Is How You Know He Is Feeling a Little Better....

For those of you who missed it, my grandfather is fighting a battle with cancer. Lately, Cancer has been winning. Today. Yesterday? I decided enough. I called his nurse. No one slaps around people I love and gets away with it. (Consider that your official warning. I wrote it down so you can't say you didn't know should you be someone who decided to mess around with my people.)

We got him on a new pain medicine and I think that it might be working. I have been keeping a skeptical eye on him because this is a man who feels no pain. Growing up I can remember seeing him come in after trimming the palms and he would be dripping blood from his arm and never know it was there. Have you ever been poked by a palm thorn? That shit hurts. I think palm trees might be tiny little assassins.

In light of knowing about how he is with pain, saying "I am feeling better" could just mean I don't feel like my body has been  lit on fire and then danced upon by tiny little axe murderers bearing palm tree spikes. It could be that it is just the tiny axe murderers with toothpick spikes. Or being lit on fire, but not both. Nevertheless, I am watching. Cancer pain be gone you hateful bitch.

I think that he may actually be feeling better. I went over at 3:55 to make sure he took his 4:00 a.m. pills. I walked into his bedroom and he appeared to be sleeping so I snuck up on him. Of course, he was awake. He flipped over... rather quickly for an 80 plus cancer patient. He smiled at me and said that he knew one of us would be over to check, but that I shoulda just stayed in bed. Really? Like that was going to happen. How could I make sure that the assassins weren't stabbing him in the face with the palm tree spikes if I was snoozing?

I hand him his pills 3:58 a.m. But it isn't 4 a.m. yet. I think it is OK. Let's just take them. He does. My heart sings with the joy of peanut butter flavored chocolate.

After he takes his pills, I sit down beside him on his bed made of what feels to my behind like bricks. (No wonder he sleeps on the floor so much.) We talk about the pain and then he tells me a story. And this story tells me more about how much better he is feeling than when he says "my pain level is half of what it was."

I asked him on a scale of one to ten what is the pain level. This is a question doctors ask so it must be important. He tells me maybe a five and that I sound like that lady at the bank. The whaa?

Pap: I ever tell you the story about the guys at the bank?

Me: Nope. Not that I can remember.

Pap: He was a real jerk.

Me: ----. giggle.

Pap: The bank lady called and asked if I would take a survey about him and I said sure. I told her I didn't like him and he didn't like me. I would be glad to take the survey.

Me: Well.

Pap: So she asked me on a scale of one to ten how I would rate him. I said well, if you are giving me a scale of one to ten I would rate him a ZERO.

Lady: Our scale doesn't go that low.

Pap: Well, mine does and he is a ZERO. He is good for nothin. All these years at your bank and he gives me the run around about cashing a check. I tell him if it don't go through I got enough money in there to cover the check.

Me: How much was the check? (Thinking it was a possibly large check)

Pap: $27.00.

Me: -----.

Pap: Yeah, he gave me a hard time so I gave him a zero. (Pauses, thinking.) You know what, I haven't seen him in there in a long time.

Me: Probably you got him fired.

Pap: Good. He was.... obnoxious.

This. This is how I know he is feeling better. Not that he said "I am feeling better than I have in two months" or that he ate today, more than one time and without a gun or palm tree needles pointed at him. This story and his humor let me know that he is feeling a little better. I can go to sleep happy.

And to the Zero at the bank? I hope he maybe did lose his job. Who gives and 80 something year old man a hard time about a twenty seven dollar check regarding his beloved slightly recently deceased wife? That is just asking for the little assassins to come after you with palm tree spikes.