I totally found out what searches people use to find me and about several countries I am not certain I could locate on a map that I have made an appearance in.
So this post is brought to you by my own curiosity... Let's pretend that it is December Twenty something.... maybe the 22nd. Or the 20th. Just sometime before Christmas or none of this makes any sense. Not that it would anyway....
My mom and I have always had a great time at Christmas. If you want to tinkle yourself laughing. Hanging out with my mom is the place to be. I have been up since yesterday. In the morning. Nearly 24 whole entire hours, but the times I am with my mom in the middle of the night are not times that I would trade. Some of my most memorable conversations with my mom have arisen at 2 a.m. You may think that is a heinous time to be awake, but really you do want to be awake with my mom in the middle of the night. You will never regret the sleep you didn't get.
Case in point: Tonight we put the kids to bed and stayed up. "We" wrapped Christmas gifts. By "we" I mean that I wrapped everything that she bought with the exception of what she got for me. You might think to yourself that you would rather shove tiny shards of broken Christmas bulbs up your finger nail beds than wrap the eleventy billion assorted gifts that someone else bought, but you would be wrong.
Half way through wrapping the gifts she stopped and shouted, "Eric had a giant pepperoni!!!" I, of course, died laughing since I may or may not have already made the pepperoni into a rude display of pretend genitalia. But don't tell my husband. He might refuse to eat the delicious pepperoni.
Up next... and by next... like three hours later... after a trip around the town at 2:15 a.m. to find change to create this gifted wonder and to get boxes because we ran out of supplies... we attempt to make... a money shirt. Mom found a "money shirt form" in a catalog. She ordered it because it sounded awesome. You just needed six bills of any kind. Did we have them? No. Was it 2 a.m. and we weren't quitting after coming so close to finishing? Yes! So off I go in search of something... anything... that was still open. Nada. McDonald's was, but I had to literally ask for three different items before finding something to order because I don't know what McD's serves in the middle of the night. Except I do now. Breakfast. At 2. Whatevs.
On the way back I found a drugstore that was open. Huzzah!!!! I can get boxes!!! And where were you half an hour ago when I couldn't order at McD's or get change???
Boxes in hand, I head back to mom's house where we will attempt to construct the shirt. There were very intricate directions so it should be easy. Yes? NO! You have to make little origami pieces of money from hell. You fold, fold, fold, bend, stick, curse, rearrange, pull your hair, shout 'what the hell is wrong with this?' and then realize that you have the little tab stuck in the wrong spot. You fix, adjust and correct only to realize that this shirt is the ugliest junk you have likely ever seen.
Don't believe me?
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| Please notice the tiny hamster sized buttons |
The company tried. They really did. We had step by step destructions and they included a gift bag. Uh huh, yep. A gift bag. For this fabulous shirt...
Mom: This is terrible and it was hard to put together.
Me: Well... (I really want to try to help this little shirt. If it wasn't made of money everyone would point and laugh at it.)
Mom: No. Look at it! It is just big enough for the hamster to wear.
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| Warning: Touching this shirt will result in ridiculous and unexplainable laughter |
Mom: If I would have had to do this I would have gotten frustrated and just put the money back in my wallet. Or thrown it into the box in heap.
Me: Let's just put it all in a box. Maybe in a box it will be better.
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| The box makes it better, right? |
We agree. Putting it all in a box didn't help, but at least it is in a box. And it is money. Right?
Mom: I have another one. It is money machine!
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| The money machine was supposed to be for me. Do I want to put it together at 4 a.m.? |
Mom: The thing about this one is that there are no directions.
Greeeeaaaaaat. No. Directions.
Except that once I get it assembled without directions it is cool. Despite looking like a pop up tissue box printed with hundred dollar bills, yo'.
Christmas with mom. Wouldn't trade it. And I didn't even tell you about looking at lights....
... or what she did at this house.
In case you were wondering, the brakes in her car work. Really. Well. I know. From. Experience.
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